i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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