some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Come on in and take your pants off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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