My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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