1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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