You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
