Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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