before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Farmville is her only friend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
