I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
