I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
