I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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