You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
