i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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