you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
