the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
