I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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