talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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