I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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