a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
