Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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