trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
