He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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