ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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