so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
