best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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