Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
