Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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