I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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