I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
