I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
