Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
