My liver just broke up with me...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
