Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
