captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
