We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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