My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
