Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
