good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
