he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
