We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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