i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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