there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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