We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
