All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
