Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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