that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
