Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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