SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
