Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
