Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone shattered a urinal.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
