hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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