Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
