I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
