Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
