Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
