My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you never un-have a 4some
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
