Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
