i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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