I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
