i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
