Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
barbara walters just said penis...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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