i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
