I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
