Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
