I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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