I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
