I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
