I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
