Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
