So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
