the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
