I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
