I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
