i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
