so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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