Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
